Silence ... Day .05

As I was driving today...in silence....a turkey buzzard happened to catch my eye as it made it's small concentrated circles in the sky.  As animal spirit guides, buzzards bring the following knowledge:

• New vision


• Purification


• Death and rebirth


• Prophecy

I found that quite interesting, considering today is Day 1 of this Silence thing.  So far so good.  No big "AH HA"s as of yet.  It's not a whole lot different from my normal life so far.  I'll see what tomorrow brings.  Today brought a buzzard...for which I am grateful.  I look forward to learning the lessons to come from both the buzzard and silence.

What animals do you have around you or that happen to "catch" your eye?

Change... resistance...

There are a few "Teachers" that I use, listen to, read on a daily basis.  One of those is John Assaraf.  He has programs out that make sense to my "Virgo" brain.  He presents his information from a standpoint of science first.  His new program, "Winning the Inner Game of Money" ( a repeat Webinar is coming up soon if you want to see it:  Click here ) is teaching me LOTS and LOTS of new things.  He includes a manual with the program and this morning, while re-reading the manual, I read the following:

Sometimes when you strive to achieve something you have not yet experienced before, you  encounter resistance from other people, your environment, and yourself— often before you have even started. A deep desire for change starts from the inside out.

I think that's why so many people start off on new programs and new paths and then just stop dead or fizzle out.  Rhonda Britten tells us that fear's job is to keep us safe and change is NOT safe...even positive change.  Another thing that John Assaraf said that I "heard" on deep levels was "Are you interested in or committed to real change?"

If you are committed to any type of change in your life be it spiritual growth, weight loss, new exercise program, whatever .... you may want to ask yourself the above question.  Are you interested or committed?  Are you willing to do whatever it takes to keep the program going?  There are going to be times that you just do not want to continue.  The biggest resistance in any change comes from ourselves.  It's natural.

Be loving to yourself, pick yourself up, and continue on with your program because you are, after all, committed to change and not just interested in it.  Right ? :)  Onward and upward my friends!

 

Silence....

I have come to realize, over the last few months or so, that I must not have a very good command of the human language.  Over the past 2 weeks alone, I have dealt with this issue many times over.

I have decided that I am going to embark on a vow of silence.  The only questions I will be answering are ones that clients pay me to answer.  The only conversations I will be having are the ones in my head with my God, and absolutely necessary ones with my family or ones that are needed to keep my day-to-day life moving forward.   It may last 2 minutes, it may last 200 years.  I know that I absolutely, positively MUST step back from language.  I will no longer be held responsible for "making" people FEEL certain feelings or emotions because of my words.  I will no longer be held responsible for things that people hold against me and do not want to heal inside of themselves.

I am realizing - FULLY - that any conversations I have in my life right now are rarely authentic.  I just THINK or wish they are.  Some people around me lie to me.  Some people around me want themselves to look a certain way and come from a place of ego.  Some people around me take everything I say and twist it to fit into their belief system and get mad at me for it.  Some people around me are stuck in the past and refuse to come out of it.  I read this quote this morning:

There is no such thing as conversation.  It is an illusion.  There are intersecting monologues, that is all.  ~Rebecca West (Cicily Maxwell Andrews), "The Harsh Voice," There Is No Conversation, 1935

I had an "AH HA" moment upon reading that quote.  All of the above stated issues with conversations around me can be healed by me taking a vow of silence.  I can learn - or re-learn - the proper use of language -- or not.  Who knows...I may never speak again!!!!!

I guess why I'm posting all this is to ask for your support in my quest for clarity.  I will be starting on Monday afternoon at 3 PM CST.  I will still be blogging about my experiences but I will not be commenting or replying on Facebook or Twitter.  Thanks ahead of time!

Day after Thanksgiving.....

 

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. There is no commercialism involved. I don't walk through stores listening to Thanksgiving music. I am not inundated with Thanksgiving commercials. I don't have to buy anything. I don't have to dress up or show up anywhere. I am NOT expected to go to church. It's just lots of food, family, friends, and football. What a GREAT day !!!!!!

I love the day after Thanksgiving as well.  There is this peace and calm that comes over my world.  I do not do Black Friday shopping.  I stay home, work, eat left overs, take a nap and enjoy the peace of the day.  I also bask in the things for which I have to be grateful.  So here is today's gratitude list:

1. Rain!!!


2. My clients


3. My children being home together


4. The animal friends who choose me to live with


5. My perfect health

What are YOU grateful for today ?!?

Early mornings.....

First thing this morning, I just stayed in bed listening to the sounds of the house.  I got up and went to the room that is usually empty.  My daughter is home.  It's her room.  I could hear her breathing slowly as she slept.  I walked to my son's room and listened to his breathing / snoring / grinding teeth .... and all kinds of man noises.  ( GRIN )

 

I was and still am TRULY happy.  Having them both home at the same time is a wonderful thing.  So here is today's Gratitude List:

 

1. My children making it home safely for Thanksgiving.


2. Early mornings and quiet time that they bring.


3. Coffee.


4. My perfect health.


5. Food on grocery store shelves.

What are YOU thankful for ?

Gratitude check .....

This morning the coolest thing happened .... but let me back up some first !  My cousin bought a house VERY close to my house.  She started remodeling and has not had a kitchen.  I have to cook for my house anyway so she's been coming for dinner, cooking what she needs at my house, etc.  It has not been a problem or an issue in any way for me.  I'm sure that you can imagine how she must have felt though.  I'm sure it was hard depending on someone else's kitchen.  Granted...we're kin and we're close but it was still hard on her.

 

She got her kitchen installed this past week and last night was the first night that she was able to cook in her brand new kitchen.  She made homemade pizza.  Awesome!!  So now we get to this morning .... she sends me an Instant Message and tells me that she has homemade buttermilk biscuits, sausage gravy, eggs, bacon and coffee all going...and get this part...IF I wanted some.  IF... I laughed out loud.  Free breakfast on a Sunday morning!?!?  I was so there.  I actually got there before the biscuits came out of the oven.  Chuckle!!!

 

So today I am grateful for:

 

My cousin's completed kitchen

Open windows and a great breeze on November 21st

Cats in the windowsills who look SO happy

The ability to hear the sounds from the outside

Thanksgiving week !!!!

 

What are YOU grateful for today ?

Authentic conversations......

Yesterday I made a phone call that was 10 years in the making.  From Point A to Point Z, someone wronged me GREATLY and it has taken me this long to forgive and prepare for the conversation that had to come as a result.  Yesterday was that day.  I made the call, heard her voice, hung up promptly.  I walked around, talked to myself and God, redialed, heard her voice, wanted to hang up.  I did not hang up.  I said her name.  I could go on and on however, I will not.  The bottom line is that I spoke my truth, and I listened to her truth.   Her truth is NOT my truth so my ego and fears and angers wanted to jump up to defend me.  I took lots of deep breaths and kept reminding myself of my tools and that I had a "center point" and to keep going there to that place of balance.  I stayed centered and balanced.  I only made one jab and for those that know me, you know that's HUGE!!!!  (grin)

The fact that I carried this around for ten years is ONE HUNDRED PERCENT my fault.  I wore it like a wet, wool blanket.  I realize now that I can choose to forgive at ANY time.  One day or one decade.  It's my choice.  I also realize that her truth is not my truth and never will be.  I also realize that my truth is something she has never been able to hear and, more than likely, will never be able to hear.  That does not matter any more.  I spoke my truth.  I did it in a calm manner with no intentions of anything other than to speak my truth.  I listened to her.  I was given the opportunity to say nine of the most important words I have ever said to that woman.  "I am sorry. Please forgive me.  I forgive you."   There is a part of Travis Tritt's song "No More Looking Over My Shoulder" that says:

I could chill a room with reasons why I would not give forgiveness
To the people who had selfishly left me a wounded soul
I kept dragging 'round those memories
Like a ball and chain behind me
Wonderin' why my troubles followed me wherever I would go
Oh, but one night, sick and tired of being sick and tired
I realized forgiveness was the only open road
I swear I heard those shackles snap
The moment that I took that path
I never have one time looked back since the morning I arose

I can relate to that song.  I am also grateful beyond words for the freedom that those nine words that I was able to say, out loud have now brought me.   So my friends, who do you have to forgive?  Of whom do you need to ask forgiveness?